He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
