Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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