I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Farmville is her only friend.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
