RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
