Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
