I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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