i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
