I wannas sexs uuuuu
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize