I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
