dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
