and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
