I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
