Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I fill condoms, not promises.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
