Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
