ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I came so hard my ears popped.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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