are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
