It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
