well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
