What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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