drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
