Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
