when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
