My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize