Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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