It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She's the barista slut.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
