she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize