Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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