if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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