I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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