I think I died a long time ago.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
