From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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