there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
foreskin is a definite game changer
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
