you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
