So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
