I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
