PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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