Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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