you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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