Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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