Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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