Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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