Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
