took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
