I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
