I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
