Your tits are I can't wait for
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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