I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
