I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I love you. Go after that dick
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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