I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
