So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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