I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
