If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
