Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
