Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
