Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
