We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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