I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
nutella sex= disaster
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
