he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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