I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
