Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize