I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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