dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
