dude i'm inner monologue high
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize