Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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