How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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