we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
