she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
