i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
