My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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