hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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