Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
