Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
