One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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