look no pants
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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